Nos is an acronym for:
Not otherwise specified

H2

Ever since approximately 14:00 January 21 2024 I have been going downhill. I lost faith in what I WAS doing and had nothing else to replace it with. My main problem was that I had nothing to do. Or maybe better: I was dismissing anything I might have to do as not worth doing.

+2024.05.04 I think I am getting worse nd worse and need to try some therapy, soon.

+2024.05.07.

On 5 Msy, I think I found out what went wrong on January 21: There is apparently a function in the computer that when it goes below a certain battery level is slows down significantly. I just now saw this happen. I would never have suspected such a thing. I thought the computer was broken and I wend down a rebbiy hole trying to get it fixed. I never did get everything fied but it was back runing nurmal speed and I've beeu OK since. But in those few days Ilost feeling haat I was doing had value.

+2024.05.09. First session with therapist. Rachel Gerstein. Having trouble feeding Niblet more food then Maggie. I haven't played any music since Jan 21 — truned some on.

H2: "Empty time"

+2024.06.11. Isn't all time empty except that a person finds something interesting to use the time for?

Facts: The IOP program at Silver Hill was not addressing either of what I hypothesize are my two top tasks: "Empty time", and sleep.

H2: Loss - grieving - fear of abandonment

LOSS

GRIEF

H2: Loss - grieving - fear of abandonment

Loss	Computer crash January 21. Lost all the purpose of what I was doing about the Ukraine war, and my opinions on other topics both personal and theoretical.
Grieving	Grieving about loss
Fear of abandonment	Goes back to the "Mud" play at age 5 years.

H2: What was I doing or did I imagine I ws doing just before the crash?

What was I doing or did I imagine I was doing just before the crash?

I was followoing inently the "alternative" news reports about the Unraine war, e.g., Jeffrey Sachs' presentations and Judge Napilitano's "Judging Freedom". I was hopng to hear a big breakehtu. But instead each day I jus theard the Russiansa had advanced a few hunred meters into some new village.

I wrote my daily "What do you wnt to say?" to th White House website each day and occasionally an email to Mr. Zelensky's "Servant of the people" website. I did not expect to accomplish anything other then bearing witness that therr were persons here in The West who wanted a peaceful settlement of the war. Occasionally I would write a post to one of the expert's YouTube logs athat they would flag as good so I felt I had made some little contact with "them".

But I was not really accomplishing anybhing. I a sacsorbing a lot of time listening to experts' presentatnions, trying to keep up pn the details of the war and hopeing "somehting wold happen". But nothing significant was happening in the war, not even the fall of a major Ukrainian town to the Russians. I was worrying about whether The West's further counerescalations of the war to help the Zelensky forces might be leading to an expanded European land war and even World War III.

H3: What might have happened had the computer not crashed?

It seems to me that I must have been beginning to get tired of making so much effort and getting nowhere? The Ukraine war should have ended already with a Russian victory since they won so many battles, but it had not done so. Ukraine was being pushed but not defeated.

H2: Playing with words. And what about Ukraine?

+2024.12.26 I used to play a lot wirh words but now I am afraid to do so [ I'm not correcting any typos in this section]. As for Ukraine, I've changed my opinion. The war keeps going o and escalating and killing and hurtig a loot of persons. Russia is probably "right" but the should declare a casefire and negotiate an end to the horror of the war, however it may tur out. Mr. Zelensky is surely carrying on the war as an egotistical [I can't think of the right word here:] scheme. Somebody even wrote a New York Times Reader Response that got published that said just that. But Russia is not going to win incd the U.S. and to a lesser extent NATO keep pouring in more weapons and escalating the conflict. Russia should delare it over and stop fighting and say it was tie to negotiate unless the Ukrainians won't reciprocally stop then too.

Quotable from the NYT (26 Dec 2024): "Today, Putin deliberately chose Christmas for an attack," said Ukraine's president, Volodymyr Zelensky, in a statement. "What could be more inhuman?" Not necessarily "more" but I think/feel also inhuman: for Zelensky to keep the Ukrainians fighting. He should stop fighting and start negotiating the best deal Ukraine can still get. Give up trying to "win" and especially stop trying to get Ukraine into NATO, but ask the West for security guarantees for what is left of Ukraine. Would the Russians cease fire reciprocally? We don't know but we should try to find out.

H2: I was manic up until my computer broke in late January 2024

+2024.12.27. I'm reviewing some things I wrote in this website. I don't disagree today, but the flagrancy with which I expressed myself was sometimes "over the top": manic. I have "toned down" or removed a few glaringly embarrassing places, especially a vulgar description I had on my page about the St. Paul's School headmaster S. Atherton Middleton, and referring to persons who had hurt me in my life as: "vermin".

Invenit et fecit